my old life

so this is how i lived for 4 months before i moved from my brother's place. sad, eh?

fear

Named must your fear be before banish it you can.      -Yoda

life is good

so it seems to be taking a while for certain events in my life to take place. i just moved yesterday from my brother's house. i'd been staying with my brother and sister-in-law for 4 months. I've had a job for a while now, but i just couldn't find a place to live. it was getting pretty depressing. but this new place i'm at just makes me so happy! but even though i just found this great/amazing place to live, i still am painfully aware of other things i need to get done. but i was talking to my mom yesterday and she said something i will never forget, something that put everything in perspective for me at this time in my life. she said, "one more of your goals is met!" when she told me that, i immediately calmed down. sometimes i get caught up in all the things i have to do and i stress myself out. i just need to focus on one thing at a time.

life is good. not perfect, but good. i really don't have anything to complain about. i have a good job, a good place to live, a good car, a few good friends, and good family. what more could a girl ask for?

pride

did you know not accepting help is a form of pride? i didn't, and let me explain how i came to this realization.

lately i've been the recipient of a lot of help. i've found myself feeling unworthy, selfish, and almost spoiled when i think about all the help i've gotten. i started thinking about other people i knew and wondering why they didn't receive the kind of help that i have, and i almost started wishing i didn't have it. i'm a pretty independent person and i like and need to do things for and by myself. accepting financial help makes me feel weak and childlike and immature. it almost got to the point where it sounded like i was complaining about all this help. and then i was talking with my brother and his wife tonight and they told me the help was a blessing, not a burden like i was making it out to be. i guess for some reason i was putting myself down to the point where i didn't feel i deserved to be helped by anyone, because of my independent attitude. they then informed me this was a form of pride. i don't think i'm better than anyone else, and in fact it may be the opposite.

learning to accept help and being grateful for it is hard! when you can't do something by yourself we need to let others help us. these are called blessings and we should be grateful for them. also, you can't compare yourself to anyone else cause everyone's lives are different. i've been BLESSED with a family who loves and cares about me, and so i've been BLESSED by their help a lot in my life, and that's okay. i guess i just feel for those who don't have people they can turn  to in times of need.

when i was in provo i made a list of things i learned in college, and soon i'm gonna start making a list of things i've learned in arizona. accepting help and the service of others is going to be number one on the list.

so, dear reader, shut up and say thank you and be grateful when people help and serve you!

lesson learned.

the end.

life

life is so interesting. no matter where i think my life is headed i always end up somewhere different, sometimes better. i never thought i'd be living in arizona. it is so hot here!! it was 104 today. it's been slow work getting to know people in my ward. yesterday was the first time i actually had a conversation with someone. two weeks ago this girl randomly came up to me and asked me to teach relief society (a women's class after sunday school) and i accepted (it was afterall my calling last semester at byu). then, saturday night the 2nd counselor in the bisopric called and asked me to talk the next day in sacrament meeting. ahh!! there went my saturday night. but it went well. i like speaking in front of groups. i think its one of my talents. but so that was last week, and yesterday i began talking with a couple people. i guess i'm slow in opening up. i also finished my first translation as a freelance translator a few weeks ago. that was a lot of hard work, way harder than anything i did in school. but so life is good. different, crazy, unplanned, up in the air, but good.

confidence

so since i've been here it's been kinda boring. i've gone out every day with my brother, but it wasn't until today that i went by myself. in decatur i loved driving myself places and going alone. in provo it took a while to get used to it. but eventually i got a hang of the town (while just a passenger i never paid attention to directions so it wasn't until i got a car that i actually needed to know where places were, so i got lost a lot haha). so once i knew where everything was, i left. hm. my sister-in-law offered to let me use her gps to get around town but i didn't take it with me. my brother had shown me the main roads by the house and i felt i had to prove it to myself that i could get around. i had thought rubi was giving me problems and i was nervous about driving her by myself, but after tonight i think she's okay. so i went out by myself and just drove around. i got a little lost but i found my way back. i even went in a target with no face on, hair un-done, and wearing a nasty t-shirt. hey, i don't know anyone in town yet so no one could recognize me and judge me. :)

independence is a wonderful thing. i love having the freedom to go wherever, whenever i want. you ever just have to prove to yourself that you can do something? it may be something as simple as finding your way around your new place of residence, starting a new job, or something much bigger. whatever it is, having confidence in yourself is important. i've always felt confident about who i was, but since i've been here it's been hard. i miss my friends, i miss knowing where i'm going, i miss my apartment and roommates, and i even miss my old boss and co-workers. i worked two extra weeks so i could train like 7 people. it was really weird to see our group change. i know change is a good thing, but it was weird, especially because for the last two weeks i didn't have a floor and was just a roaming worker, looking for odds and ends to clean.

one thing i've learned at byu is the value of a good friend. i thought i made a lot of good friends at the 'y' but how many of them do i talk to now? i've only been gone a week and i've only heard from one of them. fair? i don't think so. i want some friends! hopefully this sunday i'll meet some nice people. my ward is the "fiesta ward." promising? hope so.

arizona: land of heat

so i'm in arizona and i'm dying already. my brother and sister-in-law say it's cool weather, but i think it's so hot!! how will i survive?!?! so far i'm enjoying it. my brother took me around town today and there's two pretty cool malls super close. i've just been applying for jobs and keeping my fingers crossed that something comes up.