death, regrets, and life

i had the weirdest and most real dream last night. i dreampt that i was dying, i don't remember why or how, but i for some reason had the option to either die and live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ or continue with my life but change one thing. as i debated whether to die and live with them or stay alive, i thought about what i would change about my life; the one thing i would change. it was interesting, cause i could only think of one thing to change, and it's not that big a deal. like, it's not something that if i changed it my life would be completely different. and so, i remember feeling this intense desire to die and live with Jesus. and the way i died was very gentle. i felt like the oxygen was slowly getting denser and denser, and that i didn't need to breathe as much. it was really weird and it's still weird that i remember it so clearly. but i just think it's cool that in my dream i could only think of one trivial thing to change about my life. that's neat. i like knowing that i'm subconsciously pleased with the way my life's turned out so far. i'm not perfect by any means, and i know i'll make plenty of mistakes in the future. but think about it: having no regrets; being able to say to yourself if you had to die right now, you wouldn't regret or change anything. i think that's how i want to live my life. no regrets. take control of your life and live it. if you want to change something about yourself for the better, do it; if you like someone, ask them out; take control of your life, and live so you don't have any regrets.

i'm a bachelor...a bachelor of arts!!!

so yeah i graduated friday afternoon. that morning i awoke with an incredible feeling of gratitude for everything i've learned here while at byu. i may give this university a lot of grief and i may complain a lot, but i really did enjoy my time here. 

where to from here? az, baby! yep, i'm moving to arizona. i'll be staying with my brother and sister-in-law till i get a job, which hopefully won't take me as long as i fear it will. way i figure, i don't want to live in provo, so why would i stick around? i don't want to work in decatur, so why would i move back home? there's a lot of hispanics in arizona and a lot less returned missionaries who speak spanish. i think i'll have a better chance of getting a job there than here. plus, i won't be living in the bubble. 

i never thought life would take me to arizona. it took me a LONG time to decide on this. i kept going back and forth between moving to denver, moving back home, going to spain, ugh. i had to many options. i felt i just needed to make a decision. several times i had decided to just move home and then i would change my mind. going home just didn't feel right. so i talked to my brother and he and his wife invited me to stay with them, and something just clicked and i got a really good feeling about it. since then, i'm not gonna say i haven't wavered on my decision. after all, it's a big decision to make!! they're the only ones i know in arizona and i've never even stepped foot in the state. plus, it's a 12hr drive from here to there. but i like road trips so i'm looking forward to that.

it's just weird to think about how my life's turned out till now. i never thought i'd graduate with a b.a. in spanish translation, that i'd be moving to arizona, and that i'd be as independent as i am. and happy. i'm very happy. :) scared of course, but happy.

remedy for a migraine

so i discovered the perfect remedy for my migraines: bubble bath, an ipod mix of jack johnson and norah jones (played very softly), and the lights off. oh, and drugs. of course.

"where do i go from here?"

well so i think i've made up my mind about what i'm doing with my life...as far as the summer is concerned anyway. i'm waiting on the response of one person to find out if what i have planned is going to work out. i don't like knowing that my life depends on a single person. i'll let you know what it is i decide, but for right now just keep your fingers crossed.

my plans have been so incredibly up in the air. it's ridiculous. i have too many options because i'm not really tied down to any one place. i can move anywhere. i've finally made a decision about where i'm moving so hopefully the world will catch on and give me a break and accept my plan, too. and that includes giving me a job in said destination. i think all it will all work out though; i just needed to make a decision and stick to it. i'm happy with it and i think it'll be fun if it works out.

i've made a list of places i need to go out to eat to before i leave. a few include:

Sammy's
Brickoven
Pizza Pie Cafe
Texas Road House
Zupas
Dickies (don't order their pulled pork. it was dry even with sauce)
Jimmy Johns (#4 Turkey Tom please!!)
P.F. Changs

yeah, i don't think i'm gunna make it to all of them... but what do you think? am i missing any good places?

jaja